


memories turn into daydreams become a taboo

by kayytx



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), marvel writing challenge, mwc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 04:12:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16824892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayytx/pseuds/kayytx
Summary: Tony returns to the Stark Mansion for the first time in twenty five years.





	memories turn into daydreams become a taboo

**Author's Note:**

> written for the [random words, random characters marvel writing challenge](https://marvelwritingchallenge.tumblr.com/post/180551924159/random-words-random-characters-hello-everyone). my character was tony stark, and words were memory, complex, and suffering.
> 
> title of the fic is from "house of memories" by panic! at the disco.
> 
> thank you as always to [downeylove](http://downeylove.tumblr.com) for looking things over for me :)

Tony hasn’t been back here since the funeral. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to do so, back then, instead opting to stay at a hotel after the service so that he wouldn’t have to return to a cold and empty mansion that was no longer filled with the warmth of his mother’s laughter.

But now, after Siberia, after finding out the truth, Tony feels like it’s finally time --- if for nothing else, then closure.

He steps through the front doors and takes a deep breath. The air is stale, which isn’t surprising. Tony has a cleaning staff come through once a month to dust off all the furniture and air out the rooms, but otherwise there hasn’t been any signs of life in the place for over twenty years. Despite the sun shining bright through the windows, the house feels haunted. The floors need polishing. The curtains have yellowed. The flowers in the garden have long wilted and never bloomed again.

Tony takes his time touring through the mansion, slowly getting reacquainted with the place he grew up in. He visits every room, letting **memory** after memory wash over him in each one.

Not all of them are happy. He remembers falling and scraping his knee in the garden and running to Howard for help, only for him to tell Tony to get out of his sight. He can still see, clear as day, the tears in Jarvis’ eyes as he had to physically drag Tony from the foyer to the car when Tony screamed at him, crying at the top of his lungs about not wanting to go to boarding school. And he’ll never forget all the times he had curled up in bed, trying to tune out the world as his parents brought the house down with their explosive fights, arguing about Howard’s alcoholism and workaholism, arguing about _Tony_ , and their frosty behavior towards each other that would last for days after every quarrel.

But he can still fondly recall brief moments of happiness that happened in this very house. Sunday mornings Tony spent with Ana and Jarvis in the kitchen, trying to help with mixing the pancake batter only to end up making a mess of things instead. The little blue box he kept hidden in the back of his closet filled with bits of circuitry and machinery that his mother would regularly snag for Tony from Howard’s lab. Bringing Rhodey back home the summer after their first year at MIT, introducing him to his mother and seeing her eyes light up at the sight of Tony finally making some friends.

No, Tony didn’t have the best childhood, with no peers his own age and an absent father, but there were still a handful of memories from his early life that he will cherish forever. His experiences made him the man he is today. Tony wouldn’t trade that for anything.

He’s been wandering around for almost two hours by the time he gets to the last room of the house. He had saved it for last, because he had known that he wouldn’t be able to stay in the mansion for much longer after seeing _this_ room again. Maria Stark’s favorite area in the entire house. The place Tony last saw his parents alive and well, his mother singing her heart out. The music room.

Tears well up in Tony’s eyes the minute the door swings open. He quietly sniffles and blinks them away quickly before shuffling forward to take a seat in front of the piano.

Everyone knows that Tony is a gifted pianist. Howard used to make him play during parties hosted at the mansion, saying that if Tony insisted on such frivolous hobbies, he might as well put his skills to use entertaining Stark Industries’ investors. In the years following his parents’ death, Tony had never performed in front of anyone again, though he does make sure that each of his residences has a spot reserved for a grand piano. Guests are welcome to play when they are invited over, but Tony himself has always waved away requests for him to show off his talent, claiming to have stage fright, of all things. No one calls him out on his bullshit and he’ll always be grateful for that. Even when he’s alone, Tony only ever plays twice a year --- once on his mother’s birthday, and once on the anniversary of her death. And he rarely does so without a few drinks in his system first.

Today, he’s remarkably sober and it’s only June, but he figures exceptions can be made when it feels like life has turned completely upside down.

He flips the lid of the piano open and starts to gently peck out a C scale to warm up his fingers. He mindlessly runs his hands up and down the keys for a bit before shifting to the first strands of a **complex** tune that his mother had written and taught Tony for his eighth birthday.

As he plays, Tony closes his eyes and thinks back on what he knew about his mother. She was always poised, exuding elegance with every step that she took. She held her head up high but never looked down on anyone, never thought that she was too good or too important for other people. When she went out into the public, she always had a smile ready, though it rarely reached her eyes.

She wore her masks well --- something that Tony had learned from her early on. _“Smile, mio bambino,”_ she always said. _“The world can’t hurt you if you just keep smiling.”_

Maria Stark was the strongest woman that Tony had ever known. She never let the world see her as anything but perfect, even through the silent **suffering** that came with being Howard Stark’s wife.

Tony finishes the final stanza of the song and takes a moment to stare down at the keys of the piano as the last note rings out across the room. His left hand is shaking and his breath gets caught in a gasp.

There are splashes of water on the keys. He hadn’t realized he’d started crying.

It takes a while for Tony to collect himself. His knees feel weak as he stands up from the bench, but he keeps his head held high as he walks out the door and into the hallway. Just like his mother would have done.

Taking one last look at the mansion before getting in his car, Tony realizes that he’s not ready to let go of this place yet, not when it’s filled with some of the best memories he has of his mother. But he also knows that the house can’t stay empty any longer. It doesn’t feel right, and his mother wouldn’t have wanted it to go to waste like this. The house needs some upgrades. A bit of renovation, new furniture. A new life.

The September Foundation is looking for a home. He’ll start from there.

**Author's Note:**

> this is also [on tumblr](http://kayytx.tumblr.com/post/180744211707) if you wanna reblog :)


End file.
